Just found out that you have genital herpes? Relax and chill!
I got genital herpes from a boyfriend 14 years ago, that I had been with for 2 years or so. We had a baby together prior to that, and one day I had some itchy bumps and a lot of pain. I dismissed it as razor bumps or some other “female” bull-crap we have to deal with. I continued having these symptoms on and off for a few months. I starting talking to my best friend who did my nails and she asked me if it could be herpes and I said NO WAY!!
But I started researching it’s symptoms and decided that was probably what this was. I was very angry, my boyfriend had “cold sores” on his mouth and so did his son. He never had any outbreaks or blisters, or sores on his penis, ever. I found out that you can get genital herpes from someone with cold sores. I also found out that he may have this virus but no outbreaks, making him a carrier only. Lucky him, right? I told him I thought he had given me herpes and he said I must have screwed around on him and got it. I did not. I have had to pay this heavy, unforeseen price and dealt with the headaches and migraines from the stress this has created in my life. I felt like a damn leper and a dirty disgusting person because that is what “I” thought of other people with this disease. I have read up on this for so many years so I could try to help other people going through this. As I have started writing this for others, I have a breakout right now that has had me shifting around in my desk chair. The outbreaks become fewer and farther between as time goes on, and sometimes not so painful.
I want “YOU” to know it is not the end of your life. If you were sitting in a room with 8 of your best friends, at least 3 to 5 of them have herpes of some type. If you were to bring up someone having herpes they would admonish them and have negative comments. If you actually told them in confidence they may fess up if they are infected or they would be compassionate if you told them your story. Dealing with telling a partner is a difficult subject. I have been there with genital herpes. Telling a partner you like but haven’t had sex with but are approaching the point is like jumping off a cliff! It is however very, very important to be up front because they deserve that kind of honesty from you if you feel like they are the one. If you would try to hide it by not being intimate when you have a breakout, they may feel you are not into them anymore. There is just no good in not telling them. If they would happen to get it because while the virus sheds cells prior to an outbreak, they can be infected. Having HSV-1 oral herpes, “cold sores” can be spread the herpes virus to the genitals via oral sex.
When the time is right, prior to being sexual with this person you need to find a quiet time maybe away from the home to have this discussion. Away from the home is good so in case they do have a hard time processing this information they don’t have to ask you to go or go themselves. After dinner is good because it will be a little awkward for either of you to eat after awords, just saying. I have had to tell a few men this and I was surprised by their positive reaction because they did care about me and thought I was worth still having a relationship with. I never did give the virus to any of those men (unless they had no symptoms) I am happily married for 2 years now to the man I have had a relationship for 7 years prior (so 9 years together) and sometimes I have a breakout and he doesn’t care. I will be the responsible one to say no. I did get tested a few years ago and found out I have both HSV-1 and HSV-2. I rarely ever get a “cold sore” fortunately.
My best advice to you poor suffering person hit with this news is to hold your head up high. Know that you are not alone, read the statistics, and how you can unknowingly contract this virus. It is such a shame that someone with a cold sore is looked at in a whole different light than someone with “genital herpes”. You can still get genital herpes blisters from someone with just a “little cold sore on their lip” It isn’t their fault either with the oral herpes because most children contract this from their parents or relatives from innocent kisses. My own child has cold sores probably from his father, and maybe from me. I have told his dad not to kiss him when he had a cold sore and he just looked at me like I was stupid. Ignorance is bliss. If it were, he would be ruler of his country!
Do not ever let stupid people hurt you or make you feel dirty, or inferior. I have done the research and looked at the numbers. There are people you know that have a herpes virus and even know they have it, that will not join in to say anything good about it out of ferar of the stigma. I need you to know that however you contracted this disease that you are not alone! Your life is not over! You need to read as much as you can, saturate yourself with this information available to you and know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Join a support group for people with STD’S, they are not all ugly, disgusting earthworms. These people are just like you who don’t even know when they got it. Symptoms can lie dormant until times of stress. Then the nasty virus has an opportunity in your weakened immune system to creep up and hit you like a ton of bricks. Everyone is affected a bit different than others depending on how strong you are as a person. Please do not give up your life and let this virus rule who you are! You are a special person with purpose and when you have a few years of this under your belt it will be nothing more that an annoyance like your period or having to get up and go to work is.
It does get better, it does. I hope this has helped you, it helped me just writing about it to my friends.